Half Naked Cougar Spotted In South Boulder.

Well I am back in Boulder after a week of really "bummer" weather in Canada. Ben and I went to watch the ITU World Cup race in Vancouver which was pretty awesome. I have never been to an ITU race before. Matt Reed was racing and I was stoked on that as I have never seen him race in person either. Fifth over all and a damn gutsy effort our there! I hooked up with Kelly (his wife) to watch the race and got a little race of my own helping her run after her very energetic two year old!

Anyway, when I got back to Boulder I was very excited to see my peeps. Teressa Rider who is abandoning us all for a, get this, "MAN" was going to come over to my house for a run before she flew off to be with that "MAN"! Teressa of course had on one of her super cute Jagged running outfits. A nice spandex bottom with a very small jog bra top thingie-ma-whats-it. Shit, if I was rocking her body you can bet I would have something cute like that on too...

The run was nice. I went her pace which is a bit slower than mine and that afforded me to run a tad longer time wise with her. She was complaining that she had a stomach ache when we turned around. Apparently she had a decent amount of beets for lunch. Who hasn't gone for a run where you had a little too much in the belly? Normally when I have these problems my running companion gets blasted with some pretty toxic farts of mine. I'm a little notorious....

We got to about 33 min into it and Teressa wanted to run further before we went back. I had been having issues with my foot again since the race and didn't want to go further so I told her that I would just wait on this bridge near the East Boulder Rec Center while she ran out and back to a parking lot. Teressa has been known to get lost on her way to the bathroom in her own house so I thought it would be safe sending her on this out and back. "Just follow the stream and turn around when you get to the parking lot". She looked around as if to get the land marks in her head before she took off. "OUT AND BACK! GO!"

I waited patiently on the bridge stretching, enjoying the views, finding my inner zen so that I don't go into freak out mode if my foot decided to hurt the next morning. When I noticed that I was feeling quite calm I also noticed that it was because so much time had passed and the Cougar was taking a really long time to do this out and back. "I swear to god....if she got lost....."

A little more time goes by and this women comes running over to me. "Are you Brandon?" she says. "Yeah I am." I must say I was concerned now. Something was definitely wrong because this woman seemed very nervous about whatever she was about to tell me.

"Well your friend is in a bit of distress." Oh shit she's probably hurt I thought. "Ummm she is down by the creek and is bottomless." I don't think my mind registered what she said right away but then I got it and thought, has Teressa pulled a Margo Kidder (Lois Lane) and gone nuts, taken her bottoms off and started running around South Boulder? I know she has been a bit stressed these days but...

"Actually she was going to the bathroom by the creek and some man startled her and she dropped her bottoms and they went down the creek and she couldn't get them. So she is just naked by the side of the creek." When I stopped laughing I had to actually grab the woman's arm and ask her if she was serious. "For REAL!?!" There was no joke here. Teressa was somewhere down South Boulder Creek trying to get it renamed to Beaver Creek. I hoped to god she wasn't running towards the bridge with her hands over her WHO HA. I was fully prepared to pretend I didn't know her and run off! But then I realized how "real" this situation was and that her bottoms were not coming back. I started running down the trail calling out her name. I figured she wouldn't be easy to see so I was looking near bushes and stuff. The women had told me that she was trying to hide near a bridge.

I ran all the way to the parking lot and couldn't find her. It was funny because for some reason when I was calling out her name I was whispering. I was waiting for a "Psst. BDC, I am over here and I lost my knickers." That didn't happen so I started to ask a few people if they had possible seen a small, fit, 1/2 naked Aussie women running around. Most said no, key word MOST, and after I told them why she was 1/2 naked they gave me this look like "That's what you get for having sex with your girlfriend down by the creek!" Now I was getting embaraced. Well, okay I wasn't. I admit, I was feeling like a stud. "uhhh yeah, that's it, she couldn't resist me and made me take her right here on the trail." Everyday I understand the straight male mentality a little bit better...

So when I didn't find her and had asked every person around me if they had seen her, and quite a few had, it gave me the idea that she had gotten help from someone. With that I decided to run back to the house and hope she was there.

When I got back my roommate Lindsay was home and I asked her if Teressa was here and she said no. When I told her what happened she immediately went into "nurse" mode (she's a nurse) and got some shorts a towel and grabbed her car keys STAT! "Come ON! She can't be left out there with no bottoms!" I explained that I didn't know where we should look so she said that we should go to the parking lot. That was where Miss Godiva was spotted last.

Lindsay who is a runner as well couldn't understand why she would take off her bottoms all the way to go to the bathroom. I was dumbfounded as well. I mean Teressa is a veteran athlete, multiple Kona Age Group Champion and was 17th overall at the LA Marathon in her FIFTIES. There is no way this is the first time she has pulled a road side service dump. I was really looking forward to an explanation on this one. We couldn't come up with anything.

Lindsay and I decided to split up when we got to the parking lot. She took the towel and drove over to East Boulder Rec and I took the shorts and ran the track. I couldn't find her again and when I made to East Boulder Rec I went inside and asked the front desk if anyone nude had come in lately. They looked at me like I was nuts but I really didn't want to explain the story. So I left and sat outside waiting for Lindsay to come here. Hopefully she had found her.

Lindsay rolls up in the car and sure enough the cougar had been caged. They were both laughing hysterically. When I got to the car I looked down and she had a United Airlines blanket wrapped around her waist. Apparently some guy ran back to his car and gave it to her. He later saw her running up and down the trail looking for me. His exact words were "Oh, good job. You are going to finish your run."

Teressa was in shock at how many people had been on the trail. "Bloody HELL. There were couples, baby joggers, dog walkers FRICKEN HECK! I just said "Hi" and pretended nothing was wrong. It wasn't until some man offered me some help by getting this blanket." Then she proceded to talk about how cute the blanket was with her top LOL!!! You should have seen how she had it on. It looked taylored!

The only thing left was to get the scoop on why she had taken her bottoms off. Well, she did have stomach problems and went to use a Port-A-potty but, well, just didn't get there fast enough. DOOH! Don't laugh, we have all been there. When she saw the creek she thought "Oh I can just walk down and rinse them out." While in the process of this some man said hi to her and she freaked and dropped them and the current took them away. I guess this actually leads to another question. "WHY DIDN'T YOU JUMP IN AFTER THEM!!!!" With my little Cougar, we may never know.

Fear not Boulderites. The 1/2 Naked Cougar spotted in South Boulder has been caught and transferred to Seattle for the next week. She will be released back into the Boulder wildlife for another two months when she returns so make sure you keep on the lookout!


P.S.- In order for me to get permission to tell this story I had to ad that I am the only one that gets to call her "Cougar". All others must refer to her as Kitten.

Cheers,
bdc