Never say "never". I woke up knowing we had a really decent day ahead of us. We were riding from Wanaka to the "hard" side of the Crown Range just outside of Queenstown and going to do a TT up it. The ride to the Range is pretty decent as I did this ride the other direction last year. To TT up the Range would prove to be a challenge given what everyone has done thus far.
Me, well I was in a pisser of a mood. My knee was bugging and my new rule is that if you feel pain STOP! I know that there are times when you need to push through pain but I have been an athlete in the running world long enough to know the differnce between "suck it up" pain and "don't be a fool" pain. Most pain at this early stage of the year would fall under the latter. Why? Because I don't have an IM until June and there is no reason to suck it up.
The big problem with me is that I still see a reason to "suck it up". Who wants to miss a day like this on Epic!? I had been looking forward to the climb up the Crown since last year when Newsom and Gordo decided to put it on the books. But as it seemed now, that would not be happening.
I walked around our kitchen living space trying my best not to be outwordly pissy. It was hard becasue so many things were going through my head. Not just the idea that I probably wasn't going to be able to do this ride but more along the lines of WHY THE FUCK DO I KEEP GETTING INJURIES! I still have to baby my left foot a year later.
Gordo gave me the idea to just ride the first bit to Cromwell and see if things warmed up. I was fine with that but had the internal strugle of wanting to make a clean decision and just stick to it. I didn't want to try and then get in the van. I either wanted to ride or not ride. Bottom line.
But I choose to give it a try and ended up getting in the van within several miles from the start. In the end, getting in the van wasn't actually as bad as I thought. Of course I had all the stupid shit going on in my head about what other campers might think. Does this make me soft? Is this knee thing going to be on going? Now I have to be out on the damn ride course all day when I could have been back at the lodge doing something else like a swim, etc etc etc.....I had a nice moment of PURE NEGATIVITY. It was probably the most negative I have EVER been. My head was even planing a rental car back to CHC so I could pack it up, fly home, screw triathlon and become a slave to some job I would hate by the end of the week. WOW! Where the hell did all that come from? Well, I think after a year of injury you get a little sensitive to say the least.
When I got in the van Chris was driving and I stayed quiet at first. He is a great guy and after a bit of conversation I began to realize the major swing that my head had just gone through. I began to see the light and decided that I was doing the best thing for me. "So what if you miss a day on the camp?" I told myself. It is better than missing a season. I was still a little irritated that I was now stuck in a van for most of the day but I got over that when I realized that I could be the photo guy for a while and stick my head out and take pictures of the other campers. I also decided that I would run the TT (not physically- I mean manage) up the Crown Range.
The guys looked pretty good on the early bits of the ride. Being in the van you don't realize how fast or slow the group is going but you certainly see which riders haven been beaten down a bit by the camp. It seemed that a few like Albert and Newsom were playing it easy and saving up for the TT.
Once we made it to the base of the climb everyone re-grouped and I would then send them off in 30 second intervals. The climb was no joke. I knew what they were in for and had shifted to a better mood which made me really eager to watch how it went down. For the most part the order was slowest to fastest (as best they could decide). Bevan was last to go and would shread through the field. However, John Drewery had gone about 3rd and was the only person that Bevan did not catch. John was the first camper to the top and had an awesome ride. Good on him! I mean, Bevan still killed him....but good on him!
After the TT we drove the van back to the lodge ahead of the riders and got there well before they did. I decided that I would give a run a try. The knee only seemed to bug me on the down stroke of the bike. At this point I wasn't concerned about it becasue I had time to reflect on what I actually did the last three days. No doubt it was quad overload and a tiny bit of time off would be all that it takes.
My run was okay. Just a 40 min easy jog. I was entertained as the riders came back in becasue Johno thought he was being slick and tacking on but then Albert rolls along right behind him to tack on too. The two of them were doing 5K loops LOL! JOHNO- DON'T BEAT THE SPONSOR LOL! I can't belive that was me last year doing all that tack on shit. I got tired watching them and had to walk a bit haha.
The goal now was to stretch, get some massage and a good night sleep so I could make the ride to Queenstown the next day. We would ride the other side of the Crown Range and then direct to Q Town. Not a super long ride but the climb might be dodgy for me. I really did not want another day in the van!
SIDE NOTE-
One thing that really helped me on this camp came a few days later when Molina and I were having a chat in the "oh so nice" hot tub. We were sitting there with John Drewry shooting the shit about running days that seem like another life already. The convo took a turn toward injury and Molina shared a bit about the mental strugle he had when he was injured with Plantar Fasc. It was just nice to hear someone like him admit that it what a SHIT time for him. Three years of it! You would never think that Molina had a rough time with anything. I guess what I am saying is that it made me feel somewhat normal that I have such feelings of frustration and that it is common for the head to do a 180 on you. But the conversation ultimatley helped me find new ways for me to stay positive when the body breaks down. Hopefully that will be less and less this year.
In the end you are training your own body and you need to take responsibilty for knowing what it can and cannot do. If you continue to compare your training to how others go about it and never learn from your own journey you will constanly be going against yourself! When I look back at my mental state in the van it was simply my ego having a major tantrum. Lets just say that I gave my ego a pretty bit "time out" for the outburst.
P.S- Tara is still SCHOOLING the boys on this camp. DANG!
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